I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
