"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
