: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
