im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
