i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
