I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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