forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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