she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
