I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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