Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
