Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
