She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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