i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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