YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
