Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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