Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
