New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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