oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
