I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish I only lived at night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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