Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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