I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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