Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
