I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
