I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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