honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How naked do you want me to be?
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