I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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