i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
