What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
