Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you will always have a special place in my vag
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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