So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
