Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
