well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
