did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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