You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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