just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
