I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
