Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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