we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
