I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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