I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't deserve a penis
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
