I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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