Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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