i need an iv and a liver transplant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
