I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
