I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
