the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
