Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
