I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
