I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
