How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
