Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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