when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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