He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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