I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
